My brother has depended on me for ten years and now i just cannot function at all in day to day life?

green91913
#1. June 28th, 2009, at 12:21 AM.

You have done your part trying to help him.
He need to go into a rehab, and coop with him problems in a healthy manner.
If you continue enabling him, it will only hurt the both of you.

Queen of the Universe
#2. June 30th, 2009, at 3:14 AM.

Your brother is not going to get better. It is time to put him into a nursing home and get on with what is left of your life. You can visit him anytime you want. He doesn’t want to help himself so do something for yourself. You will need to get into therapy to help yourself because from what I am reading here, you will feel lots of guilt. After ten years of heavy drinking and drug use, he may now have some type of dementia.

nana
#3. July 2nd, 2009, at 10:28 PM.

Well, I can tell you that I went through that with my son. Give up! You have to quit rescuing!!! In order for their life to be turned around, they have to hit rock bottom and sometimes deeper. This is not your fault and he needs to be responsible for his own actions. Guilt is a useless emotion. Quit rescuing and let him suffer the consequences, It is the only way they will learn . Believe me, it was hard for me but my son has turned around 180 degrees and has been drug free for almost 2 years.

Diva-Ish
#4. July 4th, 2009, at 1:47 PM.

You need a break. You are living the life of the mom and guardian while your siblings have written him off.

I think you need to get him professional help and then let it go — you need to be happy and live your life. I am sorry to hear your heartbreak it actually makes me sad for you.

He needs rehab but he also needs counseling to see why he keeps using drugs to drown his sorrows.

Marilyn P
#5. July 6th, 2009, at 4:14 PM.

he’ll bury you, he isn’t sick with cancer he chooses to do drugs let him live his life and face it like a man, there comes a time you draw the line.

girl428
#6. July 10th, 2009, at 2:46 AM.

Girl, you have been trying to save him for ten years and it hasnt worked. Nothing has worked. What new thing could you come up with-nothing. You have become just as sick as he, your life just as depleted, and your as focused on the drama as he is. Please, please get your but to alanon now. You can only save yourself at this point, and you absolutely deserve to. Google sites on codependence and addiction.

Zelda
#7. July 12th, 2009, at 3:49 AM.

There comes a point where you just have to write down the numbers of whatever crisis team or AA group, the hospital or whoever you think could best help him, stick it on his fridge, and tell him that next time he needs help, call them and not you.

You say you’ve been to all these different folks to try to help with the problem, so maybe the words “codependent” and “enabling” will mean something to you. You’ve gone way above and beyond the call of sisterly duty, but now it’s time to stop shielding him from the consequences of his behaviour. Maybe waking up alone and hung over and surrounded by cockroaches in a puddle of pee and finding that his power has been shut off because he didn’t bother to pay the bills and his entire family is not speaking to him is what he needs to shake him up.

Remember you are not responsible for his choices. You do not owe it to him to spend your life picking up the pieces for him. You owe it to yourself (and your boyfriend, and everyone else around you) to limit your involvement with your brother, and to do some things for yourself. Go on the holiday you booked. If your brother is too drunk and incoherent to join you, that’s too bad for him.

twinkles_mommy
#8. July 12th, 2009, at 7:59 PM.

You need to take care of yourself and stop taking care of him. You’re enabling him. He won’t get better until he really believes he has to do it on his own. It will take drastic measures, otherwise he knows you’ll rescue him like you always have.